Christmas can be the loneliest time of year….let Cognitive Behaviour Therapy help you.

It’s less than two weeks to Christmas, the adverts are in full flow, I’m a Celeb and               X -Factor have finished….meaning that it’s drawing ever closer.

It’s a time of year that brings out the good, the bad, the ugly in all of us….have you ever felt lonely even if your are surrounded by people, highlighting what Christmas actually means to you, the memories and the feelings and emotions that’s raked up….That smell that transports you back to maybe happier or sorrowful times….this time of year evokes so many emotions it can be overwhelming – YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

There isn’t a law that dictates you must be filled with Seasonal Goodwill…..you are allowed to feel how YOU WANT TO and don’t fight it….accept your beef with Christmas and decide to move forward.

Make your own traditions….don’t follow what you have been taught but CHOOSE your own traditions, there isn’t a rule book here, you have to create your own happiness and NOT follow others…..even if it rocks a few boats on that turbulent Xmas Sea!!  It’s a time to recharge those batteries not looking at the New Year with dread but with optimism… that you are going to start writing your own story now.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy embraces change, POSITIVE CHANGE and moving forward.  Looking at your past as stitches in your great tapestry of life that has MADE YOU WHO YOU ARE TODAY……and that’s OK!  Impart your wisdom on your own life making those changes that can only put a smile on your face, break that unhappy mould.

When we embark on these changes it can get harder before it gets better…but when you have a goal in mind and the goal is to be happy, THIS has to be the biggest goal in your life…Surely?!

Loss and grief feature heavily at this time of year…by remembering your loved ones and looking back at those traditions you shared and most importantly, making new ones.  Teaching your children that what they experience at this time of year should be magical to them…the minute it doesn’t hold this magic, the traditions mould into something else, evolving into their world and life, NOTHING IS SET IN STONE.

Do something extraordinary this Christmas, your extraordinary is not going to be the same as someone else’s and that’s OK as we are all different….go out and break the mould, try something different that could make you and your loved ones happier.

If you want to start moving forward, look in your tool box and see what tools you already have and what you need to help you with your goal and start on that path, DON’T be afraid to talk…seek help, it’s there, this isn’t a sign of weakness but a person investing in themselves as a worthy commodity…..doors open when minds open and mind sets are positive……

We all have our stories, embrace them, reflect this Christmas and make new ones, that mould is not solid enough that it can’t be broken.

Love and warmth to you all.

Amanda

#Christmas #change #breakthemould #tradition #new #old #move #forward #cbt #therapy #invest #in #you #2018 #newyear #newyou #newstart #fresh #beginnings #letting #go

breaking tradition

 

 

 

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Meal Time Therapy….time to talk

What better after a long day than to all gather around a table and eat and talk…..our busy lives don’t always allow for this, this rings true for me as I work several evenings BUT I make sure that when we are all together we sit around the table for a meal….even if it is beans on toast!!

This encourages talking, and talking is crucial to finding out just how we all feel.  Asking open questions, how was everyone’s day? You could kick start it but telling everyone your day and then let the conversation intertwine.  As a family listening and talking is wonderful therapy, offering CONSTURCTIVE advice, NEVER shouting someone down when voicing on opinion, merely pointing them in the right direction and educating them on their findings of “said” opinion.

You are encouraging free speech, social skills and social etiquette by sitting around a table discussing and eating.

Having fussy eaters can be so frustrating, but producing a meal, placing it in front them and starting a light hearted conversation will not draw attention to them not wanting to eat, the less attention you give a fussy eater, the more they are likely to try what’s been placed in front of them….I encourage you to do this when they first start eating, try some meals eating all together around a table, normalising social interaction at meal times.

When a child refuses to eat, tell them they will sit there until everyone else has finished, ask them questions about their day or their hobby, taking their mind away from eating, I used to drop messages in with my children, like “I was so hungry today, my stomach kept grumbling”…..”I couldn’t wait to sit round the table tonight and speak to you all and enjoy a meal.”…….messages of this nature will sink into their subliminal mind, making them hungry and relaxed.

Watching cooking programmes has made both my girls foodies, which again normalises eating food and normally displays the social event of eating.

Get your children cooking, using different ingredients, tasting along the way….it’s surprising how much more a child will try when cooking!

I appreciate some of you won’t have a table to sit round or the time…..but make it work for you, choose a meal time and make it work, talking is crucial to development of our mental state, and what better way to do it, than with a good plate of food.

If you would like further advice, do shout.

Love and Warmth

Amanda

#family #mealtime #table #dinner #lunch #breakfast #talking #etiquette #interaction #social #skills #cooking

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Hypno Mum!

That’s what my kids call me at home, Hypno Mum!! But in all seriousness it’s something that is used within my parenting….my 16 year old is a little more reluctant to lie out and put time into it, but I can do it without her even noticing, by feeding messages to her when she is in a really relaxed state, repeating suggestions so they stick, this can be taught.

My 10 year old benefits greatly from it as she is a trampolinist and at competing level, so regular “Hypno – Mum” sessions occur, empowering her to do well in school and in sport.

Hypno – Parenting is big in America and parents pay hundreds of $ for hypnotherapists to work with their children, helping them with focus and empowerment, also with bed wetting, ADHD, anger, anxiety, sports, school life, sleep, seperation anxiety, pain, loss, friendships….. to mention a few.

I have worked with several children, especially when it comes to performance, coaching them to do better and want the best for themselves, also children that are struggling at school and really dread going, this can be turned around with Hypnotherapy.

The lucky thing is I don’t charge hundreds of $$$, and my sessions are very affordable and effective.

For more information about me “Hypno Mum!!” a.k.a Amanda, please contact me on 07920 840 230.

Love and Warmth

Amanda

Hypno parenting

#hypnomotheruk #hypnomumuk #hypnoparent #hypnoparenting #hypnotherapy #hypnosis #children #parenting #separation # loss #anger #focus #empowerment #sport #school

Dealing with Separation Anxiety…

Back to school after a week off and do you feel you have to battle all over again with getting them to Nursery, Pre-School, School, College? It’s heart-breaking and frustrating for all those involved, the pangs of guilt that stay with you for the rest of the day, making it exhausting.  You are doing the right thing by seeing it through, dropping them off and walking away…..these are life skills that they will take with them forever.

What is separation anxiety….?

Separation anxiety disorder is a condition in which a child becomes fearful and nervous when away from home or separated from a loved one — usually a parent or other caregiver — to whom the child is attached. Some children also develop physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomach aches, at the thought of being separated. The fear of separation causes great distress to the child and may interfere with the child’s normal activities, such as going to school or playing with other children.

Symptom’s of Separation Anxiety..

  • An unrealistic and lasting worry that something bad will happen to the child if he or she leaves the caregiver
  • Refusal to go to school in order to stay with the caregiver
  • Refusal to go to sleep without the caregiver being nearby or to sleep away from home
  • Fear of being alone
  • Nightmares about being separated
  • Bed wetting
  • Complaints of physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomach aches, on school days
  • Repeated temper tantrums or pleading

This is distressing for both parent and child, also exhausting.

Here’s some suggestions when dealing with separation anxiety:

  • Create quick good-bye rituals. Even if you have to do high fives or dabs!! Give triple kisses at the door, maybe provide a tissue with a familiar smell on it (your perfume/aftershave?), keep the good-bye short and sweet. If you linger, the transition time does too. So will the anxiety.
  • Be consistent. Try to do the same drop-off with the same ritual at the same time each day you separate to avoid unexpected factors whenever you can. A routine can diminish the heartache and will allow your child to simultaneously build trust in her independence and in you.  In that routine you can tell them what YOU will be doing with your day, so they can picture it and know that you are safe.
  • Attention: When separating, give your child full attention, be loving, and provide affection. Then say good-bye quickly despite their antics or cries for you to stay.
  • Keep your promise. You’ll build trust and independence as your child becomes confident in her ability to be without you when you stick to your promise of return. The biggest mistake in this regard is returning to class to “visit” your child after a terrible transition. You may be distressed and missing them, and although the return was well intended, you’ll only extend the separation anxiety, and start all over again with the process of leaving. The returning a second time can be near nuclear with the devastation you leave behind.
  • Be specific, child style. When you discuss your return, provide specifics that your child understands. If you know you’ll be back by 3:15 pm, tell it to your child on his terms; for example, say, “I’ll be back to pick you up at 3:15pm which is when school finishes.” Define time they can understand. Talk about your return from a trip in terms of “sleeps.” Instead of saying, “I’ll be home in 3 days,” say, “I’ll be home after 3 sleeps.”
  • Practice being apart. Ship the children off to friends and family, schedule playdates, allow friends and family to provide child care for you (even for an hour) on the weekend.  Practice going to school and your good-bye ritual before you even have to part ways. Give your child a chance to prepare, experience, and thrive in your absence!

Just a few tips, it will get harder before it gets easier, but remain consistent, and don’t take the guilt with you, they will learn to self regulate with out you.  Remain focused and positive, making sure you have the time to process the emotions you feel.

I hope this helps…..

Love and warmth always,

Amanda xxx

#separation #anxiety #children #school #preschool #playgroup

seperation

 

 

Helping Angry Children……

It can be so disheartening when your child becomes so angry that you can’t find a way to simply calm them down or find the triggers that are making them so angry.  It can erupt at any time making the whole household a boiling pot of oil…..leaving you treading on egg shells hoping it doesn’t happen.

It’s trying to work out the triggers for these angry outbursts.  The anger can become habit forming as they become more and more frequent, it’s easier to feel angry than to face up to real cause.

Children respond with anger because they feel helpless. To understand why one child becomes more angry than other children takes some time and effort. What triggered the outburst? The thing to realise is that our anger is generally a reaction to frustration. In children, however, anger appears to be a more generic emotion. It can be triggered by embarrassment, loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and hurt. Children often respond with anger to these types of situations because they feel helpless to understand the situation fully, and helpless to change it. In a way, their anger is a response to frustration as well.

A child who is especially defiant may be behaving this way to counteract dependency and fears of loss. A child who feels hurt by a loss may become angry as a way to avoid feeling sad and powerless. While anger is not the best emotion to feel in all cases, it might be easier to feel than some of these other, more painful emotions.

It is important to remember that anger is not the same thing as aggression. Anger is a feeling, while aggression is a behaviour. Anger is a temporary emotional state caused by frustration; aggression is often an attempt to hurt a person or to destroy property. Explain that anger is OK, aggression is not. Teach other ways to vent frustration without acting in hurtful or damaging ways.

Here are some tips:

 

  • Comment on your child’s behaviour when it is good.
    • Something like, “I like the way you handled your brother when he took your stuff.” An observant and involved parent can find dozens of things they like about their child’s behaviour…”I like the way you come in for dinner without being reminded”; “I appreciate your hanging up your clothes even though you were in a hurry to get out to play”; “You were really patient while I was on the phone”; “I’m glad you shared your snack with your sister”; “I like the way you’re able to think of others”; and “Thank you for telling the truth about what really happened.”
    • Teachers can do the same, offering, “I know it was difficult for you to wait your turn, and I’m pleased that you could do it”; “Thanks for sitting in your seat quietly”; “You were thoughtful in offering to help your friend with his spelling”; “You worked hard on that project, and I admire your effort.”
  • Ignore inappropriate behaviour that you can tolerate.
    • Nagging you while you’re on the phone can be dealt with by praising what you liked (“Thank you for waiting while I was talking on the phone. I’m off the phone now, so what’s up?”) and ignoring what you don’t like (ignoring a child’s requests while you are on the phone).
    • You may be thinking, “They yell louder and you have to answer them just to have some quiet.” When you respond this way, you reinforce them for yelling. Yelling gets your attention, so next time they will yell louder to make sure you respond. They aren’t trying to annoy you, only using what they have found to be an effective way to get attention.
  • Say “NO” clearly and firmly as needed. Limits should be explained clearly and enforced consistently. Of course, you won’t say “no” all the time; when you decide to bend the rules and say yes, explain why that moment is appropriate. Knowing when it is acceptable to break the rules is just as important as knowing when it is not.
  • Provide physical outlets and exercise, both at home and at school.
    • Forest school or cutting wood,  play a sport, work out at the gym… do something that spends our energy. Kids need physical activity to let off steam too. Keep in mind that you can allow this without risking your safety or the child’s. Let them stomp around their room, knowing full well if they make it messy, they WILL clean it up, but no stomping in the living room.
    • Also keep in mind that hugs can often make strong emotions less difficult for a child. You don’t hug to make the anger go away though; hug to let the child know you understand their anger and that you take it seriously.
  • Take an interest in your child’s activities.
    • Attention and pride can often make negative emotions easier to deal with. Failures and frustrations often mean less when a child knows their parent loves them and is proud of them for others things they do and know. Encourage children to see their strengths as well as their weaknesses. Help them to see that they can reach their goals.
    • Recognise failures and setbacks part and parcel of life. Sometimes children do aggressive or destructive things when frustrated by difficult tasks, like studying and homework. Parents can move in, acknowledge the difficulty of the task and the feelings of frustration or failure it causes, and offer help. It may make the task easier, or it may make the emotions easier to tolerate. Praise the child for their efforts even when it is difficult.
  • Use humour. Teasing or kidding can often defuse an angry situation and allow a child to “save face.” Don’t use humour to ridicule your child; use it to make fun of the situation. Something like, “I know you are mad at that little girl/boy/brother/sister for calling you names. Especially such stupid names (giggle).
  • Use several parenting methods
    • While spanking/hitting won’t help and I personally don’t condone (what message does that give our children, it’s alright to hit out?!), other physical interventions might. Sometimes a child can’t stop once a tantrum has begun, and physically removing the child from the scene or intervening isn’t a type of punishment. It’s a way to help your child stop their behaviour long enough to gain some control over it.
    • Use bargaining as needed. We often control our own behaviour by doing this. “After a day like this, I deserve a really good meal” may help us curb our own temper when needed. This is not the same as bribery or blackmail. Know what your child likes and what is important enough to your child to serve as a good motivator to manage their anger.
    • Use modelling. Parents and teachers should be aware of the powerful influence of their actions on a child’s or group’s behaviour. If you curse when angry, don’t be surprised when a child does. If you count to ten when angry, don’t be surprised if your child follows this good example too.

Learning how to deal with anger is a life skill that they take with them in the future.

Good discipline includes setting limits, but being flexible when needed. It means explaining the rules and sticking to them in a neutral way. Handling angry children means understanding why they are angry and responding appropriately, setting your own anger aside as much as possible. Bad discipline involves punishment which is unduly harsh and unpredictably meted out. Sarcasm and ridicule also go along with bad discipline.
One of the most important things you do as a parent, teacher, or other adult in a child’s life is help them respect themselves and others so they can be happy in the world. While it takes years of practice, it is a vital process that pays off. Teaching your young child to manage anger and talk about feelings can prevent many angry outbursts in teenage years ahead, in their adult relationships, and in their own relationships with their children.

Let’s raise good well rounded children, who know what behaviour is required to get them success, and live the life they deserve.

Hope these tips help.

I’m here for any further advice on 07920 840 230.

Love and Warmth.

Amanda

#anger #angry #kids #children #listen #talk #praise #good #behaviour  #ignore #bad #behaviour #coachingkids #lifeskills #success #happy #laughter #smile #selfregulate

angry girl

Hot Offer!! Hot Stone Massage Monday!!!! Monday 6th November!!!

If you’ve never tried a Hot Stone Massage….this is simply something you have to do!!

It’s the most wonderful treatment, with amazing health benefits.  The idea behind a hot stone massage is to get the blood flowing around your body, encouraging blood flow to your organs and any aching muscles you have…..the other benefit of having a Hot Stone Massage with me…….. as a qualified, accredited and insured Aromatherapist….I can use Aromatherapy as well, so a double treatment!!

£25 for a 40min Back, Shoulder & Neck Massage,  I have to leave larger gaps between these appointments, clean the stones and re heat…..so don’t delay if you want this offer.  All in my lovely therapy room in Exmouth.

Please pm me or contact me on 07920 840 230.

Love and Warmth

Amanda

#hot #stone #massage #aromatherapy #beautiful #treatment #blood #flow # health #benefits #book # now # Monday #6th #November #accredited #professional #qualified #insured

Hot-stone-massage

A back to school treat! Aromatherapy Back, Shoulder and Neck Massage £20!!

The children are breaking up for school next week….so what better to treat yourself when they return back to school, than with a lovely Aromatherapy Massage.

£20 for a 35 min Back, Shoulder & Neck Massage.

Taking Bookings for this special offer on Monday 30th October and Thursday 2nd November….

Thinking of a nice Autumnal blend, to ease those tired muscles and invigorate your mind!

Aromatherapy can help with all manner of symptoms such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Restlessness
  • Sleep
  • Aches & Pains
  • IBS – do let me know if you are suffering with this, I can adjust the treatment to include other therapies as well.

Please book by messaging me or call 07920 840230.

Love and Warmth

Amanda

#aromatherapy #massage #powerful #smell #depression #anxiety #nerves

beautiful woman in massage salon
picture of calm beautiful woman in massage salon